Chapter 30

Chapter 30: I Can Do It!

Ned, the strongest of the group, was currently being flanked by four orc warriors. The longsword he swung with all his might was shrouded in a faint blue mist, radiating a chill. It was precisely this frost-enchanted weapon that allowed him to hold back the enemies who might charge at Mo Tan and Futaba. However, Ned himself, with his stamina dwindling, had already begun to take damage.

During one collision and interception, he was struck in the back by two war hammers simultaneously. Had he not managed to parry in time, that single blow could have left him severely injured.

All Mo Tan could do was cast Tough Prayer on him every five minutes, occasionally interspersing it with a few barely effective Divine Decree: Shield and Healing Spells.

He truly couldn't do more, because despite the perilous situation, Ned was actually in the best shape of everyone besides himself and Futaba...

Salazar had broken the bone in his left arm. A dozen seconds ago, to help Klab escape the predicament of being attacked from both sides, he had stepped forward with an elbow strike, shoving back the enemy behind his teammate. But the orc warrior he had been grappling with smashed a fist into his side, crippling one of his arms.

After that, Mo Tan had barely let Divine Decree: Shield lapse on him, but he couldn't perform high-intensity healing for Salazar.

Because the situation for Yinna and Klab was far too dire. A deep, bone-deep gash had been cut across Klab's forehead during the scuffle, and the gushing blood blurred his vision. The great axe in his hands, after dozens of clashes with his own kind who were only slightly weaker in strength, had begun to chip...

And because he disliked wearing the tight, standard-issue leather armor, his bare upper body was now covered in wounds. Even though his physique far surpassed that of the player who had had a terrible gaming experience earlier, Mo Tan knew that if this continued, it was only a matter of time before Klab followed in his footsteps!

Most of the Holy Healing, which had limited restorative effects, was used by Mo Tan on Klab. Though it could barely maintain his combat effectiveness when combined with Tough Prayer, that was only for 'now'!

Mo Tan's Mana and Faith Points were, after all, limited!

Yinna's injuries were much better, as the elven ranger's evasive abilities and speed far exceeded all the enemies present. But she wasn't a robust orc like Klab, nor a monk like Salazar who long devoted himself to tempering body and mind. Many attacks that the latter two could endure and shake off after a short rest would cost Yinna dearly if she took even one.

Simply put, she had low health and low defense!

Mo Tan had originally tried his best to maintain Holy Decree: Shield (Divine Decree) for her, but ever since Salazar lost an arm, he had been struggling to keep up...

To be honest, the reason Mo Tan had been able to maintain a relatively tight support rhythm over the past dozen minutes, aside from using his skills at critical moments, was thanks to a new talent he had acquired not long ago.

[Piety: Your devotion to the deity is commendable. The passive recovery rate of Faith Points is permanently increased by 30%. When you are in combat and have not moved for 30 seconds, you will enter the 'Devout' state, increasing the passive recovery rate of Mana and Faith Points by 50%. This state will be removed upon moving, and reactivation requires meeting the 'Devout' conditions again.]

This talent was most likely a gift from the god, after all, Mo Tan didn't feel he had the potential to be a Zealot, nor had he made any contributions to the church. Logically, it shouldn't be possible for him to obtain such a talent—one that would clearly be more useful in the later stages of the game—so quickly.

The lower the level, the less practical this talent was... Mo Tan had even secretly complained about it before, feeling like he had gotten a bargain but still acted spoiled.

But if it weren't for the support of [Piety] at this moment, he would have long since drained his Mana and Faith Points.

However...

[I can't do it.]

Mo Tan mechanically raised his hands for the umpteenth time, casting the freshly cooled Holy Decree: Shield onto Salazar, who had just endured a heavy blow and whose body was beginning to lose balance.

[Or rather, I can do it, but 'I' can't...]

Ned was forcibly initiating a charge, trying to rescue Yinna, whose escape angle had been blocked by an Orc Shield Warrior. He succeeded, but was also slammed in the back by an enemy who had been closely following from behind.

[If I were here with another personality, maybe I wouldn't be trapped in this predicament...]

Mo Tan stiffly refreshed the nearly expired Tough Prayer for Ned. Just as he was about to heal Klab, he realized his Mana was almost depleted.

This comrade of his had already discarded his nearly broken axe and was now grappling barehanded with two Orc warriors attempting to flank Salazar, with several new wounds appearing on his body at some point.

['I' can smile in the face of any hopeless situation and difficulty, effectively using everything to achieve my goals, needing no one's help, calmly enjoying that mad pleasure...]

Futaba's casting stopped. She had no Mana left, unable to even cast the most basic fireball now...

['I' can become the most trustworthy pillar for my companions, relying on persistence and faith to accompany everyone in personally creating miracles...]

Yinna's face was pale. Although Ned had created a brief breathing room for her earlier, she had expended too much stamina, and the current situation was so desperate that there seemed to be almost no chance of turning the tables.

[But 'I' can't do it... Even though I possess the same knowledge, experience, wisdom, and insights, even though I am also 'I,' the one standing here is the most mediocre of them all...]

Mo Tan's hands clenched weakly, his face ashen.

Human beings, at some point, always suddenly develop a trace of self-loathing—whether they are geniuses, great men, villains, madmen, or the mediocre, it's all the same.

Regret and remorse, doubt and introspection—these are the privileges of intelligent beings.

I loathe the self that betrayed my friends.

I loathe the self that was cold and heartless.

I loathe the self that failed in filial piety.

I loathe the self that stooped to any means.

I loathe the self that lacked courage.

I loathe the self that remained stagnant.

I loathe the self that was half-hearted.

I loathe the self that clung to rigid rules.

Turning back to look, if we could return to those moments we’d rather not recall, how much we’d want to give our past selves a resounding slap across the face!

At that farewell dinner, when the atmosphere was good enough, if only we’d mustered the courage to confess, would the outcome have been different?

If, amid the busy work, we could have spared even half a day to visit our family, might we not feel so regretful now?

If we’d stepped up when a friend was in trouble, even if it meant suffering and embarrassment for a time, would we not feel so lonely now?

Of course, the world isn’t that sweet...

Even if you muster the courage to confess, you might still be publicly humiliated.

Even if you risk being fired to return home, you might not make it in time for that last moment.

Even if you stand up for a friend and take a knife in the back, they might sell you out someday in the future.

But just the mere possibility of a better outcome is enough to make us regret, loathe, and even hate a certain version of ourselves from the past.

But Mo Tan is different... or rather, a large part of him is different...

In his 【Chaotic Neutral】 state, he treats everything as a form of entertainment, never taking responsibility for his actions—this includes emotions like ‘self-loathing’ or ‘regret.’ Even the threat of death right before his eyes is seen as an adventurous game~

In his 【Lawful Good】 state, he never does anything that violates his principles. He always knows what he should do and what he wants to do. He takes responsibility for his words and actions at all times and takes pride in his good deeds, so naturally, he wouldn’t hate himself.

But the Mo Tan at this moment is different...

He is no different from most of us, so he deeply loathes this version of himself that ‘can’t do anything.’

Even though he is only a level 2 Priest and has given his all in this skirmish, Mo Tan is still deeply dissatisfied with himself...

【If it were the ‘me’ from another state, I would definitely have done better!】

That’s what he thinks, and it’s precisely because he knows ‘himself’ too well that such emotions arise. After all, if it were us normal people, we’d probably think, ‘Ah~ I did my best~’

It’s the same logic as a student capable of scoring 100 points feeling more frustrated than a slacker when encountering a problem they can’t solve.

This maddening feeling doesn’t arise because Mo Tan is particularly close to the members of the Fenrir Squad or considers them brothers. In fact, he’s quite good at distinguishing between the game and reality. As for Futaba, there’s no need to mention her—dying just means being sent back to square one.

He was merely dissatisfied with himself...

"No comparison, no harm." This phrase is sometimes more than just a joke. Mo Tan was hurt by his "own self."

Because he is, after all, no different from us—the "majority."

We all need validation. Even when we're angry at ourselves, what we truly need is just a little self-comfort...

And now, Mo Tan couldn't even find a single reason to comfort himself.

But he wasn't alone...

"Hey! You're slowing down!" Ned stumbled forward two steps, then suddenly turned back to grin at him. "Getting a bit tired, huh?"

Mo Tan was taken aback.

Salazar let out a soft snort. Before the Holy Decree: Shield on him had faded, he charged straight into an orc warrior's embrace, channeling a hidden force to knock the opponent back four or five steps. Rarely showing a grin, he gave Mo Tan a distant thumbs-up. "Don't listen to the Captain's nonsense. You're really impressive! Yeah, especially after my arm got broken."

"Heh heh!" Klab snatched a heavy, crude iron hammer, swung it in a full arc, and sent the orc in front of him—who was so exhausted it was nearly sticking out its tongue—tumbling down the slope. He laughed loudly. "I feel like with this kid around, I'm at least twice as effective as usual!"

At that moment, Yinna sidestepped between Mo Tan and Futaba, raised her bow, and shot an arrow at the guy trying to take advantage of Ned's momentum to pursue. She turned to the two with a gentle smile. "The Captain never says nice things. You're both pretty amazing!"

Futaba shrugged, pouted toward Mo Tan, and muttered, "He's way more useful than me. It's like his mana never runs out."

Mo Tan was stunned for a long moment, until Klab let out a theatrical scream not far away, signaling that he needed some healing.

It seemed that, even if he wasn't "special," he was still somewhat useful...

[No! Maybe I can be even more useful!]

He cast a Holy Healing on Klab and began to think.

[Maybe right now, I can't come up with some god-defying plan, nor can I single-handedly throw everything into chaos~]

Mo Tan surveyed the small, chaotic battlefield around him.

[And I don't have the courage or willpower to shoulder everything and lead everyone to victory from the front.]

The figures and movements of every teammate were vividly etched into his mind. This brief period of dedicated support had given Mo Tan a preliminary understanding of everyone.

[But...]

Only a healer in a support position has the chance to quickly grasp everyone's combat habits, movements, and abilities, so they can provide healing or buffs in advance.

[There are also things that only this version of me can do.]

What Mo Tan, as a person, has always possessed: ample knowledge and intelligence, lightning-fast reactions, and keen insight!

What only Hei Fan possesses: support-oriented classes, an approachable personality, and resonance with the majority of ordinary people!

"Captain!"

Ned immediately turned around upon hearing this.

Mo Tan suddenly shouted in a low voice, "The position slightly to your left behind you! Suppress the one holding the shield!"

"What do you mean?" Ned subconsciously glanced in that direction, hesitated for a moment, but still charged over, swinging his sword to force the opponent to raise their shield and block.

Although he wasn't quite sure why he needed to suppress a shield-bearer with little offensive capability at this moment, it didn't hinder Ned's trust in Mo Tan.

This trust had been built up over the past ten-plus minutes, drop by drop, as Mo Tan healed him!

"Klab!" Mo Tan made no explanation whatsoever, but instead cast the Holy Decree: Shield, which should have been applied to Ned according to the usual rhythm, onto Klab, and said loudly, "Take three steps back! Swing at the red-haired one!"

Without a word, Klab stomped back three steps and swung his hammer at an orc soldier who hadn't had a good position to strike earlier.

The opponent had been waiting at ease, so they easily dodged the blow, but instinctively sidestepped as well.

"Salazar! Blast him away!" Mo Tan immediately said, "Use that move of yours that takes half a minute to cool down!"

Bang!!

The lizardman monk slapped open the one who had just sidestepped, now with his back to him, and asked in confusion, "How did you know about my 'Crushing Palm' move?"

"Obviously, I've been watching the whole time!" Mo Tan replied casually, extending his right hand flat. A golden glow flashed, but it wasn't any support-type spell.

It was the lowest-level divine spell in Holy Light Knowledge, with extremely poor attack power—Light Arrow.

But although this skill's attack power was weak, it was bright!

"Yinna!" Mo Tan said immediately after throwing out this light arrow, "This direction, Salazar has already opened up the angle for you! See those dirty butts? How about a scatter shot!"

"Got it~~~"

Chapter 30: The End